Paige's Pages

I wish you could see what I see.

Of course, you'll catch a glimpse once I'm able to post pictures, but even then, it will only be two-dimensional.

I guess "I wish you could feel what I feel," would be more appropriate.

This house.  On this lake.  Surrounded by these trees.  Which hold these just-turning leaves. 
Which are gently moving in this perfect 70 degree-ish breeze.

I would gladly share it with you.  If...

If you would sit quietly with me.  Sipping coffee.  Reading a book.  Thankful.

I know you would. 

That's why I wish...

One reaches out.  The other pulls back.

Words spoken from both ~ can't retrieve them.

Enter the Choice.

Put up a wall & turn the heart away.  Or love through a wrong moment.

Why is it so hard?  Not now, in the aftermath.  But in that moment?

If it wasn't hard, He wouldn't have had to show us how to do it.

Today, brokenness & sorrow at the hurt inflicted.

Forgiveness?  Always.

I'm convinced ~ theses are the moments where marriages are saved or broken forever.

Roll to the middle, baby...I always will.

I am officially gearing up. 

We will start school at some point between now & the Tuesday after Labor Day.  In my heart, I want to start before our trip to New York, but I have a couple things left on my summer to-do list that must be done before we begin our new schedule.  I really don't want to wait til September, but it looks like that might be the best plan after all.

I have been leafing/reading through some of our resources for the year:  Celebrating Biblical Feasts, English from the Roots Up, God and the History of Art, Writing Strands, and more.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a wee bit intimidated.  While I know the gentle way My Father's World (MFW) weaves a year together, it has yet to be started, and until we're actually doing it, I'll be a little, well, intimidated.  That's how I've felt every year we've homeschooled.  Just a little nervous.  Still, it's not an unsettled nervous.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will provide just what we need ~ He always does.  But I'm chomping at the bit to go ahead and start so I can get this little crop of butterflies OUT of my stomach!

This will be the first year Max & Halle will share a curriculum.  MFW designs their 2nd-8th grades to be combined as much as possible, with just age-appropriate math & language arts done separately.  Now, Halle has always participated in what Max's 'older' curriculum had us doing, but this coming year, it's as much hers as it is his.  Sure, we'll still have different expectations on the level of work they each produce, but we'll be working together on it all ~ that is SO exciting to me.  Now I just have to be sure I have my expectations in the right place.

Anyhoo, for all of you who are doing what I'm doing, I hope you have a wonderful year ~ filled with beautiful journeys, meaningful conversation, and tons of FUN!

I did it. 

I got the treadmill back out.  Ughhh.  A 30-minute sit-com, listening to Idina Menzel sing about the Wizard during commercials on my phone (thank the Lord for my awesome phone that is like an iPod!), and 1 mile-ish later, I was sweaty and gross. 

Mission accomplished.

Now.  If I can just do it tomorrow.  The fat must DIE.  Unfortunately, it is going to be a SLooooooW, painful death. 

One day at a time, right?

But it is possible, right?!

Once again, I marvel at the invitation to mold & shape. 

Julia, my niece, spends 3 days a week at our house.  Now, she's not mine, per se, but while she's here, she might as well be.   We are thoroughly enjoying having a 'little' in the house again.  Julia is just before walking ~ though she's only 7 months old!!  She's been cruising for awhile now, and it certainly makes things entertaining!  We're almost to the 'into everything' phase.  She's already pulling the markers off the kids' desk, the recipe books off the bottom shelf in the kitchen ~ WE are on the precipice of having to seriously baby-proof!  What a joyful element she adds to our days.  She is truly a delightful little girl! 

But isn't it interesting that left to her own, she would cease to be this delightful little girl we've come to adore?  If her mom & dad, and we, her part-time caregivers, decided to ignore the call to train?  What would become of our sweet girl?  What would become of Max & Halle if Josh & I decided, "oh, I think we've done enough ~ they know right from wrong?"

The book of Proverbs has some strong words:

A couple of years ago, Josh & I heard a speaker talking about a parents' need to get to the heart of the matter in discipline.  How we need to care more about the intent of the child's heart than the behavior itself and the opinions of on-lookers.  He said nine times out of ten, our frustration doesn't come from the action or disobedience itself.  More often than not, our anger or irritation comes from our own inconvenience or embarrassment.   How often have I disciplined out of embarrassment?  More times than I'd care to admit.  How many times have I not disciplined at all because of inconvenience?  Owwwwww...uch.  Just ask anyone who knows us well ~ you can tell when I've been inconsistent.

The Lord is faithful though, and I'm so grateful.  He's been faithful to provide wisdom when we seek it, whether by others walking before us or simply through His Word.  We have a grand, huge task.  One that we can't take for granted.  We can't shirk our responsibility or think complacently, "Oh, I turned out all right ~ they'll be okay..."

I'm still just amazed today that we, okay...me.  I.  I get to be a part of this journey for at least two children.  And three days a week, a third child.  Oh, that our lives would be pleasing to Him!  That Julia would gain good things from being with us.  That Max & Halle would grow in gentleness and in their love for little ones.  That I would be faithful, loving and consistent! 

I know He is able to supply all my needs and there is the peace.

Whether sacred or secular, something about the performing arts touches my heart.  I have sat, moved to tears, by a church Christmas production so grand & so celebratory of the King that I could barely contain myself.  By the same token, I have sat, moved to tears also, by a Broadway musical detailing the lives of hopeless druggie wanna-bes ~ by its end, I could hardly breathe, tears streaming down my face.

What is it about music and expression that fills my heart so?  I don’t have that answer, I just know it is what it is.

Just recently, I was reminded of that love for the arts.  Just recently, I was challenged to remember that God does not fit neatly in any box.  He can use any person or medium He cares to in communicating with His people ~ the ones who’ve answered His call and the ones He still pursues.

Sometimes I want Him to fit in the little box on my shelf.  There, I have control and understanding.  There, I don’t depend on Him to define it for me ~ I have it all figured out, you see.

I think about Nate Saint.  My friend, Carla, & I both recently read the account of his life, his journey.  While we certainly marveled at his sacrifice at the end, we marveled to one another at his mother.  The choices she made that allowed him to be who he was called to be.  Sleeping out on the roof & tinkering with airplanes ~ what nonsense, some might have said back then.  But this mom, no different than you or I, allowed her boy to explore what the Lord put in him; and her gift to him?  Wings.

Oh, to be the mom that allows my children to find their wings.  Who of us doesn’t want our kids to soar?

My heart finds wings in music, expression ~ drama, if you will (laugh if you must).  What will make Max’s heart soar?  What will make Halle’s heart soar?

Help me be obedient to place them into Your arms, under the shadow of Your loving wings ~ where in safety, they will soar as eagles.

It's Saturday morning and all through the house...

Josh is working on the side porch, Max & Halle are playing games, and Mommy?  Mommy is enjoying quietly sitting & reflecting.  Why?  Because in a moment or two, I have to get off my bedonka-donk and finish reorganizing my closet!  And folding leftover laundry from the week.  And vacuuming the house.  Now, none of these things are things I loathe ~ I actually quite enjoy a good reorganizing.  I certainly enjoy clean clothes.  And who of us would argue the feeling of peace brought on by a freshly vacuumed home?

What I battle is my inner rebel.  You know, I just don't want to.

And how in the Sam-hill am I supposed to teach my children to deal with their rebellious nature when mine is so easily resurrected?!  I guess this is the moment where I say, 'adieu,' get off the aforementioned bedonka-donk, and go model putting down the Old Man.

Peace out.